Change is coming in my 2014

Well Hello There Friends! 

It's been a while since I was on here. Welcome to a New Year! I hope your holidays treated you well. Ours was fun and exhausting, full of friends and family and yummy treats. And gifts....! 

So.... 2014

Here we are a couple days in to the new year. Do you create resolutions or goals with the new year? Some say, 'bleh!', to making goals with the new year. I love it! I need it. I am always revisiting it, adding to it, marking things off and rolling things over to my new Goals list. I think it is good and healthy to think back on what you can improve on and to look forward to what you would like to do and learn and invest energy into. And, I like to pick a word for the title of my New Year's Goals. This year's word: 

Change. 

First change that came for my new year: we turned off our Dish service and are going back to bunny ears. That change came two days early! Why? Well, looking back over the past year, I realized God was talking to me through different avenues telling me that it was becoming too important in my life. I realized I had become addicted. I loved my television time. I have my favorite shows and would even watch reruns over and over again, wasting precious time and getting angry if my T.V. time was interrupted. My addiction was effecting our family life negatively. 

Second change to work on this year came to me after I read a post at Hands Free Mama. In her post, About Hands Free, Rachel writes, 

"Finally after years and years of over-commitment and meaningless information overload, I began to see those things for what they were: Daily Distractions. And with much regret, I realized I’d been holding on to “distractions” tighter than I had been to my own family, my own health, my own happiness–my own “things that matter.”

After reading this post and others on her site, I broke down in tears. God was speaking to my heart. I needed to hear this. I had to take a hard, close look at my daily life and swallow that I am not allowing much time for God or what He desires to be important in my life. And no matter how hard it was to read it and admit it [to myself and others], I needed to make some big changes in my life and choices. Thank God for people like Rachel to share these things and Thank God for his perfect timing!

So.... 2014 for me is Change!

Change how I spend my time. Change who I spend my time with. Allow Change to happen naturally and gracefully. Change.....

What is this New Year for you? What is your word for the year? Let God speak to you and stop long enough to truly hear what He is saying. 

Matthew 6: 19-21

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Television Wisdom Wednesday: Remembering 9/11

This day is hard for me every year. I do not know if there was someone I knew lost that day. But, every year, I choke up just trying to talk about it. One image or story on the news and I am back to that morning, watching in horror. I feel, in my soul, the same pain as if it was just yesterday. I probably always will and I think - that is okay.

Patriot: a person who loves and strongly supports or fights for his or her country

I watched We Bought a Zoo for the first time last night. And I thought the following quote from the movie was fitting for today. 

Matt Damon as Benjamin Mee: "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

Picturing hundreds of firefighters and police officers and citizens running into the unknown ash and debris that September day. Not knowing if they would come out of it, all they were thinking about is all those needing help. Twenty seconds of insane courage. Those are heroes!

Hero: a person who is admired for great or brave acts or fine qualities;

:  one who shows great courage

I leave you with these thoughts of mine and verses from one of my favorite chapters in the bible:

Romans 12: 9-21 ~

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 

10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 

12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 

13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 

15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 

16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 

20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Reflecting on Mother's Day ~ the love and pains

Some were concerned about me yesterday after reading my post. What I want to tell you and what I told them is this - 

First, I am good. Please don't worry about me. (But thanks for checking up on me.)  : ) 

Second, what I said was to not only clear my head so I could regroup and move on for myself but for others who may be feeling that same way. I wanted to be open and honest, especially as a stay-at-home mom, so others could see they are not the only ones feeling that same way. I wanted them to know that even with all those thoughts rolling around in their heads and the feelings in their hearts, life does and will go on and it is still good and lovely. 

Third, I hope that some will read it and realize there is so much more going on inside people than the "I'm good." you get when you ask, "How are you?" We all have stuff we are processing through, not wanting to burden others with every single thing but it is especially heavy on Moms, who not only process through everything for themselves but for their children too. Erin at The Humbled Homemaker wrote about remembering not only Mom but the other ladies in our lives in her post, Rejoicing {and Mourning} with Mothers on Mother's Day.  Erin writes beautifully about the balance between rejoicing with the rejoicing and mourning with the mourning. (Romans 12:15) 

"When I think of my {many} friends who have had miscarriages, friends suffering with infertility–and the mom of my friend who went to be with Jesus at age 17 13 1/2 years ago, I realize this: No doubt, Mother’s Day isn’t very easy for them.

At best, it is probably bittersweet, as some have other children along with those they have lost. But with those around them receiving cards and gifts and corsages and hand claps, it’s likely not a day they can ignore.

And as a Christian, I am called to compassion. Even when I can’t understand their pain, I am called to mourn with those who mourn–even on Mother’s Day.

But should our compassion for those hurting supersede our rejoicing with those who rejoice? For those who can revel in the fact–one day per year–that they have birthed babies and help shape souls daily within the four walls of their homes?" 

Erin goes on and lists ways to love on ALL the ladies in the different stages. It is beautiful and encouraging and grace-filled. On this Mother's Day weekend, I encourage you to consider what I have written and what Erin wrote and see how it might change your heart and mind on how you celebrate not only your Mom but the other ladies in your life. Happy Mother's Day all!

To my Mom ~ I love you! Thank you! for everything I know you have done and the things I don't know about that you have done, Thank you. Thanks to God that you are my mom and my kids' Nana! 

My mom and I in Paris in '09.

To all the other beautiful ladies in my life ~ Those that love on me and my kids like their own, Those that want to some day be a mom, Those that will be mom's soon and Those that have been mom's for little to many years and shared your knowledge ~ I thank God for you. I hope God blesses you for being a blessing to me. I love you all too!

Where this woman's heart and mind are at at this moment......

sad                            depressed                     joyless         

      

heart-aching                  lonely                    hurting               

unmotivated 

  

angry                 overwhelmed                  tired

         

I want to cry                I want to yell                    

I want to curl up into a ball with a blanket and movie and not be bothered                          

I want to scream out my every thought about every thing on my mind with no care what other people think

                          

I want to do nothing                    

I want to actually enjoy something                     

I want peace                            I want to feel joy                                      

I want to feel beautiful                                 

I want to feel needed                             I want to feel appreciated          

 I want to be respected                       I want my soul to be on fire               

I want to accomplish every thing I dream about doing and enjoy it                          

I want to be a good mommy                       

I don't want to screw up my kids                                                      

I want to be 'that' good wife                                   

I want to not feel all of this at the same time, all the time, every day                                       

I want to stop complaining about my great life and be able to truly appreciate what I have                                      

I want to be joyful                   I want to be happy 

I want to unabashedly love and be unabashedly loved back

(musings on) Hurting Hearts and Hope

Some horrible things happened last week where many died or were seriously injured. A bombing, a fertilizer plant explosion, a big earthquake in China - just to name a few. That doesn't even include the every day happenings that are closer to home and just as horrible. People killing each other, kids hurting other kids, children never given a chance a life because of abortion, all kinds of abuse, addiction, and natural disasters. Many start questioning the point of it all; the point of this life. With all this going on, many start losing hope. So I ask you, Where is your hope right now? Mine is in Jesus Christ. Jesus asked us to follow Him. 

Mark 1:17 & 18 - And Jesus said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." 

Immediately they left their nets and followed Him. He asked and they followed. There was no big, long discussion on what He expected of them. He said, "Follow Me." Are you willing to leave your current life behind and let Him guide you? We strive so much for success, a comfortable life, a grand purpose that you will be remembered for but these don't bring hope to us like a life lead by Jesus. 

John 10: 25-30 - Jesus answered, " I did tell you, but you do not believe. The works I do in my Father's name testify about me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." 

I want to have hope. I want to be His sheep, to hear and listen to His voice. I want to leave behind my old life and follow Him to where He wants my life to go. I love these lines from the song, Hosanna by Hillsong United. They say it so well.

From the song Hosanna

"....Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause

As I walk from earth into eternity"

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/
YouTube video of Hosanna by Hillsong United here   

Dark Days and the Ultimate Christmas gift

In dark days like as of late with evil running rampant, why do some get mad at God and cast blame on him, asking him or his followers, 'Why does a good and loving God let these things happen?' My question is why do we not recognize who is truly to blame, who is truly at work? It is Satan, the Devil, who is at work. God sent Jesus to die for our sins and to conquer Evil, which he has done. The devil is still the ruler of this dark world and he is at work every day trying to turn us away from the truth that can save us. God gave us free will to choose, Him or sin (which is of Satan). I beg of you, in love for you, choose God and his son to be the ruler of your life. Do his will. Do not give the devil a foothold in your life. And let us remember this Christmas this gift of our Savior, that God gave to us all. Pay this gift forward and spread the good news and His love. 

Some verses from God's word that are on my heart in light of recent events in our world. Please read them, let them into your heart and let them work in you. 

^{Romans 1: 28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.} 

^{(This is one of my most cherished chapters from God's word.)}

^{Romans 12: 9} Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

^{Ephesians 6: 10} Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

^{Hebrews 2: 14} Since the children have flesh and blood, he too (Jesus) shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—¹⁵ and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.

^{James 1: 13} When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

¹⁶ Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 

^{Romans 15: 13} May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

In closing I would like to say, if we stop living our normal lives because we are afraid from events that the devil has caused, then his plans are gaining a foothold. What we need more is to continue to lead our normal lives, despite our pain, and not be afraid but keep our awesome fear of the God of heaven AND earth. 

Inadequacy, a pumpkin and the bible =

Oh how I hate this feeling! 

I really hate this feeling of inadequacy  Feeling like I do not have anything I am really good at. You know, when people say, "I need this." 

or "I want one of those." 

or "I need help with..." 

or "I bet so-in-so could make me one of those." 

the first person they think of is you to get that thing or to make something perfectly special. I struggle with, time to time, this feeling of inadequacy,  talentlessness and/or failure. 

HA! Who am I kidding? From time to time! More like most of the time. Sometimes I cry out to God, as my heart is aching and my stomach is sick, "What gives!? Why these feelings?" 

uggg I sigh.

 I realize I need to get back to the Good Book and let Him remind me of how good and perfectly made I am by Him. 

No, I am not perfect; yes, I am a sinner. 

Yes, I will struggle, my whole life, with feelings like this and more. But He is always there to return to. To reassure me that this fallen world He has conquered.  That this sinner is forgiven. That I do have gifts that He has given to me and, with faith in Him and some hard work, those gifts will soar and maybe change a life. 

Well, at least bring a smile or a warmed heart; a feeling of importance in someones life. 

Just maybe.......

Maybe these feelings are given to us for a reason, to remind us of where our gifts, our talents, come from. 

God. 

Given to bring Him glory, not us. We are made perfect, perfectly imperfect. What a beautiful thing imperfection can be! As Thanksgiving comes up, what perfectly imperfect gift or talent has God given you to share with others? 

Are you... sharing? 

Remembering

My mom came in my room and woke me up. I knew by the way she was acting something was wrong. We watched it together in her room as all the horror unfolded live on the t.v. I was in a blood shot-puffy eyes-horrified daze all day as I worked as a teller at 1st Independent Bank. I was a very quiet day there and, when we did get customers, there wasn't a whole lot of chitchat. I am not sure if any of the lives lost that day is some one I know but that doesn't matter. For those lost and for those who lost, I cry for them all, every year.  And I try to take time to remember what that flag stands for. FREEDOM